Sarah stumbled blindly into the night.  She fled her small semi-detached town house, up the narrow road, past boarded up bed-sits and smashed-up, graffiti-strewn ‘drying out’ flatlets - an area commonly known as ‘The Bronx’ of Caroline Bay.  Yes she had spoken to her friend and neighbour Lorraine but had not heeded her advice.  Lorraine had urged her ages ago to seed help from Women’s Aid saying that he’d sap every ounce of self-confidence she had left within her.  Lorraine spoke from experience.  She’d had over ten years of being a victim of domestic violence and a prisoner in her husband’s home and it was she who forced Sarah to see the light and face reality.  Sarah was only just now realising the seriousness of her predicament.  She’d been living in a state of denial for so long.  Now that she could see just how maniacal and selfish an ogre he really was she asked herself how she could’ve got so involved with such a sweet-talking con man.  But there again at the beginning he was just perfect - everything she’d ever dreamed of in a man.  He was kind, caring and considerate towards her and her kids David and Anna and he was an authoritative father figure which was a welcome change compared to her weak and indecisive ex-husband.

            They had been so in love and deliriously happy.  But all that changed as she became aware of Greg’s alcohol dependency.  He could easily sink two litres of wine a night, and his vicious temper, abusive tongue and control-freakery.  At first she’d even found his jealousy and possessiveness quite appealing and had taken it as a symbol of his deep love for her.  But as time passed it became evident to Sarah that this wasn’t love; it was unhealthy obsession and domination. But since she was so put down, timid and insecure, she could not fight for her rights and she allowed Greg to dictate her life.  Nor could she break from him permanently during one of her numerous half-hearted attempts.  She was far too intimidated and far too trusting of his intentions to mend his ways.

            She first saw the unsavoury side of him when she was nine months pregnant with Jason.  He’d attacked David because of ‘tale-telling’.  David was thrown repeatedly into a door and fireplace, which had caused a huge lump on his forehead.  Sarah was also threatened and abused that night.  She was pushed violently through the door and her handbag contents and clothes were ripped and scattered.  They’d fled that night to a guesthouse but had returned to him the following day amongst his expressions of deep remorse and regret.  But it was the blue print of Greg’s abhorrent behaviour and the pattern of events, which got progressively worse and more life threatening.

            There were the times that Greg punched Sarah in the face, bent her fingers back, pulled her hair, rubbed jam in it, half-strangled her, squeezed her arms, hit her about the head, caused ugly scenes in the street, threw household objects including wine glasses and bottles at her, smashed ornaments, ripped her clothes, repeatedly locked her out and yelled verbal abuse at her such as, “Sleep with the dog where you belong” and “You fucking little shit-headed lesbian.”

            Some such despicable acts of terror were even witnessed by Greg’s male relations and yet they did nothing to help her, preferring to walk away and pretend nothing was happening while Sarah suffered unimaginable humiliation and degradation at the hands of the man who supposedly loved her; the man who said he’d protect her and look after her and their children.

            He’d repeatedly lied to her, deceived her and accused her of having affairs and he’d put a stop to any kind of social life that she used to enjoy.  He’d stopped her seeing her friends and relations.  He would criticise most things she did and he’d ridicule her in front of others or when she was trying to deal with important people.  She’d stupidly returned to him, forgiven him and lent him money countless times in the misguided, desperate belief that he’d return to the perfect gentleman that she thought he was and that she'd once been in love with.  He’d also used and abused her parents.  They’d lent him two and a half thousand pounds of which not a penny had been repaid; they’d given him hospitality and had even reconstructed his hall and stairway in his luxury seventeenth century one hundred thousand pounds semi-rural dwelling all for free.

            Oh he knew he was on to a good thing when he met Sarah.  He was nothing but a parasite, a ne’er-do-well loafer who had judgements against him, had been cleared out by bailiffs, had committed massive insurance scams and electricity fraud and had conned the social services agency into paying for his new bathroom suite and various accessories.

            He was even uncaring and indifferent towards their babies, displaying a male chauvinistic attitude that they were Sarah’s responsibility only and that he didn’t care if they lay in cold wet cots or ate rubbish off the floor or that Jason toddled alone around his house and garden.

            It had taken a while for Sarah to stop seeing only his admirable points.  For example the romantic lover who gave her gifts and cooked her lavish meals, the handy DIY man around her house and the man who was, to his credit, a shooting instructor and a County Captain with a string of trophies to his name in his favourite hobby - clay pigeon shooting, and to take notice of the overwhelming bad in him.  But the longer she’d stayed with him the more influenced, controlled, dependent, depressed and oppressed she’d become.  She was also increasingly lacking in self-assurance and under the incredible belief that she was to blame for everything and she was so desperately fearful of him.  Also there were two babies to think about, but after three years of being with him she knew the time had come to get out once and for all or she or, God forbid, one of the kids, would end up crushed and defeated, mentally ill and maybe even dead.

Sarah managed to get herself to a phone box and call police.  As she waited she trembled uncontrollably with anxiety, dread and loathing.  It was a bitterly cold night and she only had slippers on her feet and no coat.  There had been no time to dress for the weather.  Her mind again drifted over her past relationship with him.  She recalled in disbelief how she’d do just about anything to please him as she was so sure she’d found her knight in shining armour.  She used to cook him candle lit dinners, she’d keep a good stock of wine and his favourite lagers in her fridge - just for him; she made sure she looked her best for him at all times; she’d clean his house, do his shopping and pamper to his every need.  She even decorated his house.  All the money she earned as a childminder, she gave to him.  She even sold off some of her furniture to help pay his debts and all the money that she saved on her gas and electricity went to him.  She even gave him her savings [all one thousand pounds of it.]  She used to help his children with their homework and would talk to them about their problems - helping and advising wherever she could.

             For the first few months of their encounter, he appeared to be the perfect gentleman.  He took her out to theatres, nightclubs, restaurants and he bought her little gifts - of chocolates and flowers.  He used to insist on taking all her greasy roasting tins and pans to wash in his dishwasher and he’d take bags of her laundry to his house to wash and dry when her washing machine was on the blink.  He fixed some of her electrical appliances and even rectified a fault in her loo.  Little did she know that he had his own agenda and unbeknown to her, since he was in receipt of free electricity, he didn’t care how much power Sarah’s stuff used up as long as he could pocket her cash later.

Sarah remembered wryly that she was soon smitten and therefore blind to his lies and disturbing signs of behaviour. It had taken some time for his true colours to emerge but by then he’d managed to mould her to suit his needs and he’d somehow taken possession of her cognition.  They would row frequently and intensely but Sarah was not concerned because she reasoned that all close couples have bitter arguments and anyway she used to enjoy the making up afterwards.

            She looked back at how he used to be obsessed with her previous boyfriends and that he’d tell her he knew a lot about them because of who he was and that they were in trouble with the law.  He’d say that it was only a matter of time.... It was true that he did know things about them that she had not mentioned, and that puzzled her but in a way it also pleased her because she figured that he must love her a lot to be so interested in her past. 

            She had convinced herself that there was nothing wrong with his demands that she drop her friends and relations and just concentrate on him and his family, reasoning that she didn’t need or have time for anyone else.  Later he even made it impossible for her to socialise as he’d refuse to mind the babies, insisting that she take them everywhere with her.  He’d go into a complete rage if he caught her innocently chatting with other fathers and he’d come looking for her if she went for a walk or visited local shops.  She was shocked that she was so much under his spell and dictate.

            He’d even managed to turn her against her own mother and she shuddered as she recalled him being so nasty to her during her dying days, telling her mum not to interfere in their lives, all because Greg had brainwashed her into thinking that her mum wasn’t really so ill, that she was exaggerating for attention and that it was high time Sarah stood up to her mum and put her in her place.  Of course her mother was Greg’s problem.  She had long since encouraged Sarah to get rid of Greg, having seen through his smarmy ways and dubious dealings.  Sarah recalled with relief that she did have enough sense to listen to her mother and not be in a rush to marry him. 

            She squirmed with embarrassment as she waited in the phone box and realised how easily she’d been duped; how trusting and naive she’d been and how she’d stupidly believed his stories of: working for titled landowners, being a Police Special Agent, having duties such as protecting the aristocracy, calming crazy dogs and detonating explosives.

            She remembered that the detestable little man even tried to turn her against her own children, insisting that they were both liars and troublemakers and that she should give them a good hiding every now and then as they jolly well needed it.  She didn’t tho’ and was glad that he hadn’t succeeded in totally taking over her mind.  Ironically it was her own son David who stood up to his future stepfather, refusing to be destroyed and who gave Sarah the strength to finally break free and face her fears.

            Sarah couldn’t believe how she’d allowed herself to be so manipulated by and put down by Greg during recent months.  She cringed as her thoughts focussed on his insults.  She’d believed him when he said that the locals were laughing at her and that no one liked her, that she was fat and ugly and useless at everything, that she should take housekeeping lessons off his neighbour and that his dog had more brains than her.

            Sarah was so controlled by Greg that he could easily persuade her [by insisting it was no big deal and by threats] to turn a blind eye to the pin in his electric meter and the buckets of water he deposited in his attic plus the hosepipe he used to flood his house for a huge insurance claim. He also got her to borrow her mum’s dog for him to produce as evidence that his dog was innocent of killing sheep and hens on a nearby farm!

            She began to suspect that he was stealing because he kept company with known thieves and he always had stacks of cash at his disposal to support his thirty plus cans of lager a night habit despite being on benefit.  There were other massive insurance frauds and social security fiddles perpetrated by him.  Yet incredibly when Sarah had a genuine insurance claim, Greg tried to get her into trouble by telling her insurers that the claim was fraudulent.  He pretended that a neighbour had made the call!

            He also stole from her: tools, money, stationary.  He even took things that belonged to David such as a hammer, glue, scissors…. Also Greg disposed of Sarah’s photo of her doing a parachute jump and her certificate of her recently acquired black belt in martial arts.  [Not that such a qualification had been much use to her against Greg with his huge torso, bulging biceps and eighteen stone mass!]  He even dumped her jacket just because it had been given to her by an ex-boyfriend. It seemed Greg hated Sarah being successful at anything or having any kind of possessions [personal or otherwise] or even any kind or happiness.

            Greg began slyly involving the Authorities during various breaks in their relationship.  On one occasion a social worker visited her after an anonymous report that she was neglecting her baby son Jason and that he was suffering abuse from her.  Greg told her that her ex-hubby must’ve been the caller but she suspected him.  He spitefully caused her dad to be breathalised on another occasion, knowing that her father enjoyed a drink of an evening but that he had dashed to Sarah’s aid during a night of abuse and physical assault inflicted by him.

            Sarah recalled how Greg always had an excuse for his shortcomings.  He’d blame everyone else, particularly his ex-wife and of course Sarah.  He also used his pain from his army injuries the excuse.  He even used to say he was dying!  He was very clever at using his ill health to draw sympathy and forgiveness.  He blamed Cara for his financial predicament and he blamed Sarah for his heavy drinking, saying that she drove him to it.  David and Anna were also scapegoats for Greg’s failings and his son Lee also bared his portion of the blame game.  According to Greg, nothing was ever his fault and he even managed to sweet-talk Sarah into believing that any bad in him was just lovable, boisterous mischief-making - nothing criminal or serious!

            Thought of Kim and Lee infiltrated her mind and as she recalled their suffering at the hands of their father and Greg’s criminal influence on them she wondered, disbelievingly, how on earth he’d got and kept custody of them when he was quite clearly a child abuser.  She remembered with horror the ‘punishment’ beatings Lee had endured off his father and which she’d tried in vain to stop by standing in front of her future stepson.  Lee had confided in her about his hatred and fear of his father, his attempts to run away and that he’d been forced all his life to have no contact with his mum Cara.  She’d also recently become aware that Lee had been secretly writing and phoning his mum but was petrified [even at eighteen years old] of his father finding out.  He’d also turned out to be dabbling in drugs, had become heavily dependent on alcohol and was plagued by bad debts.

            Greg’s sixteen-year old daughter Kim was also terrified of her dad and had also suffered abuse from him.  She’d been expected to play a motherly role to him in the absence of her mother who Kim disliked immensely because of the unpleasant picture Greg had painted of her.  Sarah knew that despite everything, Kim loved her father immensely and that at times she’d jealously tried to split him and Sarah up.

            She recalled Greg’s relationship with his daughter as being too close and a bit unnatural.  During hostile periods between Greg and Sarah, he would drop off drunk on Kim’s bed while she slept in it; at other times he encouraged her to bring his pills and hot water bottle to him at various times throughout the night and he expected her to perch on his bed and comfort him.  He also expected her to wait outside the loo for him, armed with his quilt and medicines when he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself; and he delighted in the fact that his teenage daughter would follow him everywhere like a lost lamb.

            Sarah remembered the ‘play fights’ that Greg loved to play with Kim which always got out of hand with Greg always ending them by sadistically bending Kim’s arms back just to hear her scream, “Don’t dad, you’re hurting me.”  Then he’d tell everyone that she could take the pain and was loving it.  He’d overly chastise her and force her to endure intolerably loud music and long walks bare-footed in the snow as methods of sobering her up.  Whenever Sarah had tried to stop him, she was ordered to keep her nose out.

            Other visions swamped Sarah’s mind such as an incident where a traumatised Kim had told her that Greg had just punched himself on the chin so that he could tell the police that Lee’s pals had attacked him.

            Sarah was also always painfully aware of just how much David and Anna feared and loathed him.  They’d both become so tense and unnaturally ‘polite’ in his company and Anna had even begun bed wetting during stays as his house.  She’d even had some fainting fits while they’d all been at Greg’s.  It was all so unlike Anna.  Sarah felt so angry with herself because she hadn’t seen the distress signals in her own cherished children and because she’d put them through all that unnecessary trauma simply because she’d been too weak to dump their perpetrator and too fearful of retribution if she did.  She despised herself for being so naive in thinking that he’d mend his ways in order to save their relationship.

            Sarah blamed a lot of Greg’s shortcomings on his mother Dot who was a big influence on him and was a wicked woman.  Dot manipulated her family, especially her son, to the extent that Greg would do nothing without consulting his mother first and would phone her daily, sometimes several times a day!  Sarah shuddered as she remembered the sanctimonious way Dot had led other family members in the verbal onslaught against her one night after she had suffered one of Greg’s violent outbursts and was knocked almost unconscious.  While Sarah was trying to rest and recover that night, Dot and her clan were making arrangements to snatch Jason and Jessie and they were discussing how they were going to stop Sarah ever seeing her babies again.  She recalled that Lee had been the only one amongst them who had offered her a consoling arm and some gentle words.  She remembered Dot going on about all these influential associates of hers such as judges, police inspectors and Town Hall chiefs who could pull a few strings for her behind the scenes.  Sarah had been dumb-founded at how venomous Greg’s mother was.

As Sarah waited, cold and distressed, praying for cops to hurry up and musing wryly that she could be murdered in the time it was taking them…. she came face to face with her tormentor through the glass.  Greg’s eyes flashed and his neck veins protruded as he yanked open the phone booth door, grabbed at Sarah’s left hand, tore the diamond cluster off her wedding finger and belched, “This belongs to me, bitch.”

            Sarah didn’t give a fig for his precious ring and was overjoyed that he wanted it back so urgently.

            He taunted ominously, “The police and social services will be interested to know that you have a habit of going out at night and leaving all your children to fend for themselves.  You’ve left all the doors and windows wide open.  I’ve just had to phone the police now to report you causing a disturbance in the street and to tell them that you’ve

turned into an hysterical insane woman incapable of looking after the children.  They said you’ll be able to go into an asylum for a rest.”

            She looked at him in utter contempt and recollected that it wasn’t the first time he’d called cops on her through his sheer vindictive ‘tit-for-tat’ stupid mentality.  One Christmas Sarah was driven to leaving him after a thoroughly miserable xmas night in hell at the hands of her drunken, violent, twisted lover.

            It had been midnight and Greg and Sarah had been enjoying a rare session of passionate festive foreplay when he’d suddenly turned on her for no reason.  He’d called her a “whore,” an “oily rag” and “everyone’s fuck”.  Then he’d slapped her across her face, arms, legs, buttocks and breasts until her naked body was black and blue all over.  All the time he’d been chanting “bitch, bitch, bitch....”.  Sarah had screamed and sobbed hysterically but that had just made him beat her all the more.  In the end he’d dragged her by the hair and locked her in the loo telling her she needed to stay in there until she’d calmed down.  The kids had been too terrified to come to her aid but they’d heard the whole sordid episode as they cowered behind closed bedroom doors.

            Eventually the beast had allowed his victim out and had permitted her to put on some clothes.  He’d turned back into the caring, considerate fiancé again and was holding her close, burying her head protectively in his chest and murmuring over and over that he was so utterly ashamed of himself and begging her forgiveness.  He’d pleaded with her to accompany him to relaxation classes saying that he needed to channel his aggression more appropriately, but that it was her fault that he’d got so angry and that she must stop being so attractive to other men and such a flirt.  Sarah had been too scared and too repulsed to spend the night with him and had attempted her getaway with her kids but he’d blocked the doorway refusing to allow her to take her baby.  He’d also locked the doors and hid the telephone.  She was forced to sleep with him and to pretend that she’d forgiven him, that she loved him and that she wasn’t going to leave him.

            In the morning she’d somehow tricked him into allowing her to take a taxi home with all the kids and their xmas gifts.  She’d reassured him that it wasn’t over and that she’d help him beat the booze and control his temper.  But as they’d walked away, Greg again exploded in rage.  He’d demanded his ring and all the money in Sarah’s purse and her copy of his house and car keys.  Then he’d pushed her so violently through the door that she’d struggled to deep hold of baby Jason. She’d fallen into his flowerbeds cutting her arms and legs on thorns. Her bags and presents had come flying through the air at her followed by David and Anna who had also literally been picked up and thrown outside.  Both children suffered cut knees and hands as they’d crashed onto the gravel and they’d endured stings from the bordering nettles.

            All the while Greg had been hissing and spitting that Sarah was a “loser”, a “schizo” and a “lesbian” and that her kids were, “horrible little juvenile delinquents.”  He’d bellowed that he was phoning the police to report a disturbance from an hysterical woman and he’d belched out his warning that he’d never let her get away with this and that her days were numbered.

“You’re a sick and twisted individual,” snapped Sarah, suddenly feeling stronger and more in control.

            “Who’s mad?” came the reply as the cop car arrived.